Hell Bent For Shooters

People just don't understand. Recently, I took a routine trip to my local Liquor Store, to purchase a handfull (literally) of shooters before work since my place of employment doesn't serve booze and I can get drink on the low if I so please. As I pointed to which shooters I wished to purchase, the cashier looked at me with a somewhat confused stare, then proceeded to tell me as follows "You know, its cheaper if you just buy a half-pint." I returned her remark with a menacing glare, a grimace if you will, then stated "Thank you not. I will take... the shooters." I didn't feel like explaining to her why I prefer the shooters, over a seemingly "smarter purchase", but I will take the time to explain to you why shooters, are more Fes, than pints, half pints, 2-6's or even half G's.

1. Shooters, make you feel like a giant. I'm no Karreem Abdul Jabbar, so I need every boost of confidence I can get when it comes to physical height. And if I need shooters to make me feel that way, then so be it.

2. You can fit waaaaayyy more shooters in a fmini-fridge. How many half-G's can you fit in a fmini-fridge? Like two? At fmost? I say fuck that! How are you going to reach in and man more than one of those half-G's with one hand? I'll tell you how. You're not. I can fit like eight shooters in one hand. I know, its amazing.

3. Variety. So maybe I like to party, and need a different shot, every time I take a shot. What can I say? I like freedom.

4. Finally, and most importantly. Shooters. There for the ladies. When the ladies arrive, I guarentee first question coming from their mouth's will be "Where are these shooters?" If you lack shooters, the fladies? They're gone. But if you have shooters, you should have no problem. Obvi, I would have shooters in hand, so the only question asked would be "Can I, have one of those shooters?" My initial reaction might be Fes you fmay! But then, I might have to say, Fno fway! For fyou're fnot Fes enough.

So as I crack this mini guy of JB black label, I think back to that cashier and her poor suggestions, then I tip 'er back with the upmost of satisfaction, because I have just purchased shooters, many of them, for I, Tipsy McStaggerwald, am Hell Bent For Shooters.

The Shakes! Pt. 1

It was only mid afternoon yesterday when I found it was time to make a post on a subject that requires very little explaining. If you are FES, and have stuck to your guns on living FES, you know all to well about a certain symptom of being FES that will happen to you whether you want it to or not! What is this symptom you ask, well if you're truly asking because you don't know, I kindly ask you to get the fuck off this site because you are nothing but FNO! But for those of you wanting my explanation, the symptom I want to discuss is the shakes. If it wasn't for the shakes, I could've written this yesterday, but my shakes had a different schedule for me! As I sat down to the diaries, my hands could not just focus on hitting one key at a time. It was more like an earthquake that was rocking my world and there was no end in sight. Unless there is a bottle close enough for you to smash open, since your hands don't want to work well enough to unscrew the cap, you stand no chance of winning this battle. But there are two ways to look at the situation and this is where I find hope! One, most people might sit and cry themselves to sleep thinking they have a problem, and if you are one of them, I kindly ask you to leave this site as well since it's impossible to sleep through a real set of the shakes and you're lying to yourself and me! On the other hand, you could look at it the only way somebody who is FES would, and that is to embrace the shakes. I find myself after a routine 3-5 day bender comparing my shakes to others who have joined me on this toxic journey. It is a sign of just how much more fun you had then them if your hand shakes harder and more violently, pat yourself on the back, you win! And you should force your friend who lost, to drive to the liquor store only to replenish your shooter stash! This is only Pt. 1 of who knows how many, this will be a popular topic for me with many different angles to explore. My shakes are disappearing which only means one thing, it's time to start up the party machine all over again! Fist pumps and freedom, I flove em!

Posse Cuts

Posse cuts. Let's talk about them. Posse cuts happen when a camp of four, five, even six or seven rappers get on one track, each rap one verse, then usually have the last line as kind of a pass off. The reason I bring the subject up is because I came across the most Fes! Posse Cut Didn't know I had. Titled "Don't Curse" it features Heavy D on first and last verse, then sandwiched between are raps from Kool G Rap, Grand Puba, CL Smooth, Big Daddy Kane, Pete Rock himself, and Q-Tip. The whole premess of the song is brilliant, because there more annoying to me and anyone with a brain listening to a rapper have to curse everyline as a filler. The video itself is classic ninetees rap video style with dancers that remind you of the Fly Girls from In Living Color (probably were). Other great Posse Cuts include "Pass the 40" by Black Sheep, "Scenario", and more recently, the "I'm so Hood" remix featuring every rapper... ever... and his Aunt Gladys. To the point, here is the Video for "Don't Curse". Enjoy

Hit me on my beeper.

Alright,

To begin this entry I must clarify a few things. Yes, I do have a drink in my hand, and I am listening to house muscic, extremely loud. If you know me, you more than likely are aware that I rep '84 excluse. But I awoke this fmorning with a new notion on life. From now on, if you would like to get a hold of me, you will have to call my beeper, then await for my reply. Beepers are so rad its craczy.... almost un-real! Its like telling the, "Yeah, you can get a hold of me, but first you must page me, then wait untill it's convient for ME to talk." All these New Jacks with their iPhones and Nintendo Wiis need to take a step back realize the truth. Having a beeper makes you that much more excluse, more important, and harder to get a hold of. Along with this post I have linked a wikihistory of the beeper. Kind of interesting acctually. As well as a lint to the most incred remix of Sinden's "Beeper" thus far, done by none other than A-Trak.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pager

http://www.box.net/shared/static/93fvltfk0k.mp3 - Beeper (A-Trak Remix) - Sinden and the Count of Monte Cristal

Flaunch Party!!

I have come to a strong realization. In order to truly understand what goes down in the world of Fes! you must first either quit your job, or show up so drunk that your boss has no choice but to fire you. Have a serious alcohol problem, (drug problem optional, but in no way condoned). Sleep through most of the day, only to awake with a serious case of the shakes, and only to be solved by more drinking. Play atleast one instrument atleast decently well enough to be able to rock out on it when you are fwasted to the point of double, triple, and or quadruple vision. Have broken atleast one bone that is not your finger. And finally, put uneccessary, yet quite neccessary F's in front of words such as, Fword, Frince, Fnot, Fno, Fladies, Fmaybe and Ffuck! That is all for now and I hope everyone has learned something today. Sha-ooters!