Thursday, July 10, 2008

Grrrrrrrrr......



I know it has been a while since my last post, (except when Trash and I lost the post we made in Seattle) but I wanted to wait until I was in the right state of mind (i.e. Month long shooter binge) for this post.

Women. They're Fes! Sometimes. And like a fine wine, some of them get better with age (or they just turn sour). Soooo.... I would like to dedicate this post to a special type of woman. A species I would like to refer to as the Cougar. For those of you who have been living in a cave for the past 10 years, a cougar is a woman, more than likely divorced, who is on the hunt for younger men with solid stamina to fill an empty void their previous husband more than likely ripped from them, more than likely by hooking up with his secretary. Cougars usually have loot and they want everyone to know it. Fur Coats, diamonds and other jewelry are to be expected. And a boob job/other plastic surgery is not uncommon. Like most women, they usually run in packs, but there is a leader, (the hottest one). This is your target. The head Cougar's friends are going to hate, its a guaruntee. They're mad because you, the young dude is hitting on the leader and not them, so you just have to shake 'em off.

Once you have The Cougar in you presence, its good to offer them a drink. But like I said above, Cougars have money and they want you to know it, so it's more than likely they pick up the tab. (Which is Fes!.... Obvi!) A Cougar is going to tell you her age minus about four or five years. Sometimes they will ask you to guess their age, and once again, shoot about four or five years younger than you think. Now when they ask you your age, its smart to tell them a few years older than you are. I have made this mistake before and it sometimes scares them off if you are too young. So be careful. After that, since most Cougars were young in the 80's, that is a good subject. So study up on your knowledge of Eddy Money, Bob Segar, and John Hughes movies.

For a woman to be a true Cougar, they have to be in a ski town. Oh, What? You F'd what you thought was a Cougar in LA? Sorry, not a Cougar, just an older woman. Also, you cannot date a Cougar. She is purely there for sex and for her to buy you things with her ex husbands money. If you do start to date her, she is no longer a Cougar, but is now your Sugar Momma.

I hope this post helps all of you dudes out they're looking for older women, cause they are looking for you. They can be found in either your local martini bar, or sometimes in younger hangouts desperately trying to recapture their youth. Just tell them what they want to hear and you will be in for quite the FES! evening. GOOD LUCK!!