Hell Bent For Shooters

People just don't understand. Recently, I took a routine trip to my local Liquor Store, to purchase a handfull (literally) of shooters before work since my place of employment doesn't serve booze and I can get drink on the low if I so please. As I pointed to which shooters I wished to purchase, the cashier looked at me with a somewhat confused stare, then proceeded to tell me as follows "You know, its cheaper if you just buy a half-pint." I returned her remark with a menacing glare, a grimace if you will, then stated "Thank you not. I will take... the shooters." I didn't feel like explaining to her why I prefer the shooters, over a seemingly "smarter purchase", but I will take the time to explain to you why shooters, are more Fes, than pints, half pints, 2-6's or even half G's.

1. Shooters, make you feel like a giant. I'm no Karreem Abdul Jabbar, so I need every boost of confidence I can get when it comes to physical height. And if I need shooters to make me feel that way, then so be it.

2. You can fit waaaaayyy more shooters in a fmini-fridge. How many half-G's can you fit in a fmini-fridge? Like two? At fmost? I say fuck that! How are you going to reach in and man more than one of those half-G's with one hand? I'll tell you how. You're not. I can fit like eight shooters in one hand. I know, its amazing.

3. Variety. So maybe I like to party, and need a different shot, every time I take a shot. What can I say? I like freedom.

4. Finally, and most importantly. Shooters. There for the ladies. When the ladies arrive, I guarentee first question coming from their mouth's will be "Where are these shooters?" If you lack shooters, the fladies? They're gone. But if you have shooters, you should have no problem. Obvi, I would have shooters in hand, so the only question asked would be "Can I, have one of those shooters?" My initial reaction might be Fes you fmay! But then, I might have to say, Fno fway! For fyou're fnot Fes enough.

So as I crack this mini guy of JB black label, I think back to that cashier and her poor suggestions, then I tip 'er back with the upmost of satisfaction, because I have just purchased shooters, many of them, for I, Tipsy McStaggerwald, am Hell Bent For Shooters.